Poem 75 for 2024

by fernandoafunes

Poem 75 for 2024

Poem 75

Growing up
I learned real quick
To not make a ruckus;
To not rock the boat
Or call undue attention
To myself

I was already
Emotionally neglected
Not quite abandoned
But that’s how I felt

I felt like a nuisance
But I could never figure out why
My young mind
Hadn’t conceived yet
That some people
Are just assholes
And want to bully others

I craved attention
But I hated that
The underlying risk
Was some kind of abuse

Jesus Christ
Pat Benetar was right
Hell is for Children

Those kinds of conditions
Imprinted on me a quiet resilience
That helped me
Bear humiliations
More than I can remember
Probably a bunch
I just straight up repressed

Was there ever a turning point?
Shit I feel like I’m still going
Through the same things
But 10x’d

The least I can do
Is not take out
My hurt and anger onto the world
But sometimes I have
I’m not perfect

So how have I been able
To make it this whole time?
I disassociate a lot
But I became a writer

These attacks, man
A freaking lifetime of
Having the fortress of my soul
Beseiged by would be conquerors
Who would make me their
Lackey, goon, minion, victim
Henchmen, stooge, patsy
Reason for their failure
All fail because they can’t get into my mind

I mean, yeah
I’ve been made to cry
Made to feel like I shouldn’t be alive
But somehow those ideas don’t stick

That don’t mean I don’t feel bad
I just don’t buy into their bullshit
The lies about me they want me to believe
So they can treat me less than
And take away my dignity

Dignity is the only thing I have
That I don’t have to justify
Through my actions and achievements
And I will fight to protect it

But it’s all good
I’m a writer and a poet
I ain’t going nowhere
I’ll fight you with words
I’ll fight you with my ideas
I’ll fight you with my humor
Or let’s not fight at all
Let’s treat each other with dignity
At the very least

Respect was invented to cover the place where love should be – Leo Tolstoy

75.2024 #people #poem #hurt #dignity #respect #childhood #neglect