Poem 68 for 2024

Poem 68 for 2024

Poem 68

The beauty of
An awkward moment
Is that you don’t know
When it will happen
But you’ll remember it
For the rest of your life
That’s probably why
I’m a comedian

68.2014

#poem #awkward

Poem 62 for 2024

Poem 62 for 2024

Poem 62

I wish I didn’t hate myself so much
That I would let someone love me

But it seems like hating yourself
Is a common theme
For our 21st century digital dystopia

I guess I should go to therapy
But I’ve tried
And not those therapists sucked
I just didn’t get good vibes from them

Okay, let me back track
Do I really hate myself?
No, not really
I just remember the voices
Of the people
Who put those ideas into my head
And for a brief moment
I falsely think
Those ideas are my own

Now do I love myself
Sometimes!?
Am I self loathing?
I can be
But I’m getting better

Now am I
Self hating
Self loving
Or Self loathing?

I mean just depends when you catch me

When I was younger
I was so desperate for
Love, attention, approval, validation
That I would believe anything
Any one told me
If it meant I was the
Center of their focus

That kind of vulnerability
Attracts heroes as much
As it attracts predators

The heroes inspired me
While the predators fed on me
No one came to the rescue

Do you remember Bane?
Yeah, that Bane
The dude who broke Batman’s back Bane
Tom Hardy saying “I’m Bane” Bane

Bane was born in
A Central American island prison
And the living Hell of that
Forced his imagination
To think of something bigger than himself
Until one day his self actualized self – Bane
A big, confident, intelligent supervillain
Appeared to him and said
Don’t give up because this is what you will become
And shit, if I didn’t feel that
When I read it

Shit, just Bane being Central American
Was already an inspiration

What’s that quote
The child who is not
Embraced but the village
Will burn it down to ashes
To feel it’s warmth
That hits home for me

It’s freaking tragicomic
That I identify with a Batman villain
Because of our f-ed up childhoods
In toxic Central American institutions
(Mine was my family)

But hey that’s kinda funny!
Maybe I’ll start reciting poetry as Bane!

Now if you know me
Go back and re-read the poem
As Bane

I wish I didn’t hate myself so much
That I would let someone love me…

62.2024

#poem #bane #trauma #ptsd #healing #family #selfhate #selflove

Poem 62 for 2024

Poem 62 for 2024

Poem 62

I wish I didn’t hate myself so much
That I would let someone love me

But it seems like hating yourself
Is a common theme
For our 21st century digital dystopia

I guess I should go to therapy
But I’ve tried
And not those therapists sucked
I just didn’t get good vibes from them

Okay, let me back track
Do I really hate myself?
No, not really
I just remember the voices
Of the people
Who put those ideas into my head
And for a brief moment
I falsely think
Those ideas are my own

Now do I love myself
Sometimes!?
Am I self loathing?
I can be
But I’m getting better

Now am I
Self hating
Self loving
Or Self loathing?

I mean just depends when you catch me

When I was younger
I was so desperate for
Love, attention, approval, validation
That I would believe anything
Any one told me
If it meant I was the
Center of their focus

That kind of vulnerability
Attracts heroes as much
As it attracts predators

The heroes inspired me
While the predators fed on me
No one came to the rescue

Do you remember Bane?
Yeah, that Bane
The dude who broke Batman’s back Bane
Tom Hardy saying “I’m Bane” Bane

Bane was born in
A Central American island prison
And the living Hell of that
Forced his imagination
To think of something bigger than himself
Until one day his self actualized self – Bane
A big, confident, intelligent supervillain
Appeared to him and said
Don’t give up because this is what you will become
And shit, if I didn’t feel that
When I read it

Shit, just Bane being Central American
Was already an inspiration

What’s that quote
The child who is not
Embraced but the village
Will burn it down to ashes
To feel it’s warmth
That hits home for me

It’s freaking tragicomic
That I identify with a Batman villain
Because of our f-ed up childhoods
In toxic Central American institutions
(Mine was my family)

But hey that’s kinda funny!
Maybe I’ll start reciting poetry as Bane!

Now if you know me
Go back and re-read the poem
As Bane

I wish I didn’t hate myself so much
That I would let someone love me…

62.2024

#poem #bane #trauma #ptsd #healing #family #selfhate #selflove

Poem 61 for 2024

Poem 61 for 2024

Poem 61

I wonder if I’m good at
Attracting disrespect

I had a friend
Not from LA
Tell me once
You’re good at playing low status
And my immediate thought was
You are racist*
But maybe I gave her every reason to
Make that statement

*On the real though
Living in LA (well walking in LA)
It’s crazy to see
How some of these people
Not from LA
Treat the help
So when you look like the help
They’re going to treat you like
The help
And how you treat the help
Says a lot about who you are
And I will freaking judge you for it

And let’s be clear
You all know who I’m talking about
When I’m talking about the help

And you know what
I am the help
Because I came from the help
And I’ve lived and worked with the help
I just went to college
Where I learned how to be “Articulate”
Which for people
Not from LA
Is like seeing a monkey talk*

*When I saw
Conquest Of The Planet Apes as a kid
(1972, directed by J.Lee Thompson)
And Caesar led the ape revolution
After seeing his people
Get treated as animal slaves
I was like I get it*

*Would that happen here and now
They don’t educate us enough
Us being the help
To make us aware of
How much we’ve been oppressed
But they make the effort
To say they tried
But trying isn’t the same as succeeding
But if the revolution comes
Like in Conquest Of The Planet of the apes
(And don’t worry people it won’t)
Y’all will be like
Well we tried!

Well back to my friend
Maybe a lifetime of learning how to be
Friendly and docile in order to not invite violence
From people around me
Or to make others feel like
I won’t visit violence upon them
Because of how I look
And their unconscious biases
About people who look like me
Big and brown and from the hood
(Not the help, but are siblings, the statistics)
Reads as low status

Disrespect is also about knowing your place
And as the help you should know your place
But even though I am not the help
I am descended from the help
And I will not tolerate disrespect
As I am articulate
Listen Not from LA folk
Treat me as you would
A chimpanzee reciting Shakespeare
Witness and awe: respect me

61.2024 #poem #disrespect #lowstatus #thehelp #LA #brown #immigrant #planetoftheapes #respect

Poem 61 for 2024

Poem 61 for 2024

Poem 61

I wonder if I’m good at
Attracting disrespect

I had a friend
Not from LA
Tell me once
You’re good at playing low status
And my immediate thought was
You are racist*
But maybe I gave her every reason to
Make that statement

*On the real though
Living in LA (well walking in LA)
It’s crazy to see
How some of these people
Not from LA
Treat the help
So when you look like the help
They’re going to treat you like
The help
And how you treat the help
Says a lot about who you are
And I will freaking judge you for it

And let’s be clear
You all know who I’m talking about
When I’m talking about the help

And you know what
I am the help
Because I came from the help
And I’ve lived and worked with the help
I just went to college
Where I learned how to be “Articulate”
Which for people
Not from LA
Is like seeing a monkey talk*

*When I saw
Conquest Of The Planet Apes as a kid
(1972, directed by J.Lee Thompson)
And Caesar led the ape revolution
After seeing his people
Get treated as animal slaves
I was like I get it*

*Would that happen here and now
They don’t educate us enough
Us being the help
To make us aware of
How much we’ve been oppressed
But they make the effort
To say they tried
But trying isn’t the same as succeeding
But if the revolution comes
Like in Conquest Of The Planet of the apes
(And don’t worry people it won’t)
Y’all will be like
Well we tried!

Well back to my friend
Maybe a lifetime of learning how to be
Friendly and docile in order to not invite violence
From people around me
Or to make others feel like
I won’t visit violence upon them
Because of how I look
And their unconscious biases
About people who look like me
Big and brown and from the hood
(Not the help, but are siblings, the statistics)
Reads as low status

Disrespect is also about knowing your place
And as the help you should know your place
But even though I am not the help
I am descended from the help
And I will not tolerate disrespect
As I am articulate
Listen Not from LA folk
Treat me as you would
A chimpanzee reciting Shakespeare
Witness and awe: respect me

61.2024 #poem #disrespect #lowstatus #thehelp #LA #brown #immigrant #planetoftheapes #respect

Poem 55 for 2024

Poem 55 for 2024

Poem 55

We as consumers have to get more savvy
As Wendy’s rolls outs
Surge Pricing in 2025
Because they they think they’re Uber
And want to junk their brand equity
For more money in the short term

Here’s How We Beat Wendy’s Cynical Cash Grab

1. Start an alternative restaurant called Wendi’s with an “i” and give them all our money.

2. Order 300 hamburgers and at the last second change your mind. Or better yet, buy 300 hamburgers when the price is low, hold onto them, and then sell them when demand is high, beating Wendy’s at their own game.

3. In fact, this is how Wendi’s with an “i” gets it’s start.

4. It’s a third party app that tells you where you can buy aftermarket Wendy’s burgers for below market value and just above it’s original MSRP. It’ll start off as mobile food vendors.

5. The app can direct third party sellers to different Wendy’s locations during peak hours to provide cheaper-but-still-the-same Wendi’s with an “i” hamburgers to starving Wendy’s with a “y” customers

6. Wendi’s with an “i” launches a podcast that keeps its third party sellers up to date on best practices and which Wendy’s locations are best for buying and selling hamburgers from.

7. Wendi’s with an “i” starts running targeted ads on YouTube and Facebook to let new people know about this fast and easy money making opportunity.

8. Although OG Wendy’s will try to crack down on new Wendi’s by invoking food safety laws, ingenious sellers will find a loophole for listing aftermarket food without legal ramifications.

9. Wendy’s with a “y” will cease to operate as we know it and will instead become a distribution hub for all the Wendi’s with an “i” third party sellers.

10. Wendy’s with a “y” franchise owners will become Wendi’s with an “i” third party sellers (in essence, becoming their own distributors) so that they no longer have to compete with Wendi’s third party sellers for hyper localized market share, and someone will oust the CEO after realizing that you can’t run a fast food company l like a tech company.

11. In the interim, McDonald will just get bigger because of all the amazing deals in its app

55.2025 #poem #wendys #surgepricing #satire #tech

Poem 47 for 2024

Poem 47 for 2024

Poem 47

Look man, here’s how
You’re going to make it
As an improviser

1. Be everyone’s biggest fan

2. Try to be cool with everyone

*Cool meaning
Kind and respectful
And not striving
To be a status seeker
That marginalizes others

3. Don’t let cliques get to you
They only have power in the spaces
Where their status is acknowledged

And outside of those spaces
They’re either defrauded as
Antisocial weirdos
People who are only funny in their one space
Or as people no one knows

4. Be nice to everyone

5. Be extra nice to the people
Who are the easiest to push aside

6. And don’t forget to be nice to yourself

7. Disrespect is going to happen
But don’t let it get to you
Disrespect always reflects more
Of the person giving it
Than the person receiving it

8. Never delude yourself
That this is all just
A big game of make believe
And an excuse to be a child again
And exercise your imagination

What I mean is
Don’t get a big head
Check your ego at the door
And be a team player

Most of the problems
I’ve seen in improv communities
Are problems of welcoming
And inclusion
And of people
Never feeling fully embraced
While constantly being encouraged
To participate more

9. Our communities run on
An economy of status

We defer to teachers, coaches
And good performers
As if they are somehow
Better people for their virtue for
Being good at improv

But that’s not always the case
And it puts an undue burden
On those people to be something
They never asked to be
It’s an adults version of
The popular kids in high school

But some people want it
Crave it, are elevated by it
Can’t live without it
And sometimes abuse it
I know I’ve committed
Some of these improv sins

10. Remind yourself
That you ain’t shit
No one owes you anything
People will treat you
How you treat them

11. I don’t know what it is
About this dumb art form
And fooling people
Into thinking they are
Better than others
All this shit does not matter

12. Have fun

13. If you’re not having fun
Stop doing it

I write about all these things to
A. remind myself not to do them (because I have)
And B. to remember how it feels to be someone
Who has been made to feel less than

47.2024 #improv #community

Poem 44 for 2024

Poem 44 for 2024

Poem 44

I’m not a coffee snob
In general
I try not to be a snob
About anything

I tried being
Th sardonic know-it-all
But you know what
People didn’t like it
And I get it

It’s not really in my nature
To yuck someone else’s yum

I think
Yucking someone’s yum
Isn’t so much about
Not actually NOT liking the thing
You’re dissing
But more about your own ego
And your need to show
How smart and
How sophisticated you are
How refined your taste is

After all, isn’t
Yucking someone’s yum
All about indirectly telling someone
You have bad taste;
Therefore, you should feel shame
About it, at least a little
And me pointing it out
Only shows I have amazing taste

And why is taste so important?

Actual taste here doesn’t matter

How taste matters here
Is what it says about you
Where you’re from
The life you’ve lived
The things you’ve seen

Taste is like a “C” Class CV
Curriculum Vitae
What you’re really saying is
To whoever you’re looking down on
I’m better than you
Because I’m more refined than you
Because I grew up better than you

Look man, I grew up working class
But I had HBO
So I get how rich people use culture
As a litmus test
For who is new money vs who is old money
And that’s a tried and true trope
Ripe with storytelling potential
Re: Tons of movies

All I’m saying is
When you call my taste unrefined
Are you really saying
How sophisticated your cultural palette is
Or outing how your obliviousness
To your access to culture and resources
Has put you in a position
To benefit from them intellectually
And creatively and spiritually in way
Other less privileged people cannot
And how your early access to these things
Allows you to experience life
In a distinct and fulfilling way
Few people outside of your class
Will ever experience
Have you ever thought of that?

That being said, it’s time for a
Fast & Furious + Transformers movie
Why they haven’t done it yet
Boggles my mind
And is a crime against the 21st Century

44.2024 #coffee #snob #critic #Dunkin #taste #class #privilege #essay #access #resources

Poem 38 for 2024

Poem 38 for 2024

Poem 38

Part of being assimilated
Is accepting how I am also
Complicit in the appropriation
Of other marginalized groups’ cultures
In the purchasing of
Americanized clones of
Their traditional products
Which the Yankee version I buy
(I imagine/can imagine/I empathize/can empathize)
Must pale in comparison
To the original

That being said
Trader Joe’s Spiced Chai
Is pretty damned good

It’s freaky delicious, actually

I can drink it instead of coffee
Not as a substitute
When I’m out of coffee
But as an active choice
Where I prefer Trader Joe’s Spiced Chai
Over coffee

It’s crisp, refreshing
Spicy without being hot
Or overbearing
But spicy as in
I can taste the cinnamon
And the other ingredients
And once you add milk
A whole level of flavor
Is unlocked

But that begs the question…
Is Trader Joe’s Spiced Chai
The Taco Bell of
Chai Teas?

And no not McDonald’s
Or Carl’s Jr or Chipotle
But Taco Bell

Why Taco Bell?
Because Taco Bell
Is built on appropriation
But it’s wildly popular
With everybody

And the fact that it’s
Bastardized Mexican food
Doesn’t bother anyone
In fact, it’s an inside joke
That turns the experience
Into a guilty pleasure
For those who are even aware
Of the link between Taco Bell
And real Mexican food

Because of its wild spread adoption
(They always have it in stock)
I have to conclude that
Trader Joe’s Spiced Chai is indeed
The Taco Bell of Chai Teas

Aha! Eureka an insight!
I just realized that
Trader Joe’s business model
Is built on the appropriation
Of other cultures
Brown ones especially
So we can say that Trader Joe’s
Is the Taco Bell of groceries

And like Taco Bell
No one cares
That all the products are
Toned down versions
(Well maybe not all of them)
of the authentic, exotic ones
To fit the tastes of the American palette
(Not the brown American palette)
Which is what matters
If it tastes good, seems healthy, and cheap
Why question it

Now does that mean
I’m a hypocrite sellout fascist
Every time I go to Trader Joe’s
To get Spiced Chai?
No/Maybe/Who cares?
That’s just living in America

38.2024 #poem #chaitea #appropriation #tacobell #marginilized #assimilation #traderjoes #thesis #culturecritic #orientalism

Poem 35 for 2024

Poem 35 for 2024

Poem 35

Every time
I put on Old Spice
I feel like I’m cosplaying
An adult
Who has their shit together

I have a 401k
A happy wife
I met organically through life
(We went to college together)
2.5 kids (we’re expecting)
A nice home in the suburbs
(Orange County obviously)
With a 2.3% fixed mortgage
I got in 1985
After graduating from UCLA¹
With a sensible degree in business

¹Real talk: you have to go to a college
In the area you imagine yourself living in
Afterwards because it’s all about networking²

²Networking!? Really, Fernando, you’re going
To promote the idea of networking
As being key to the college you pick!?

Yes! This is something
They don’t tell poor people
Trying to socially mobilize³
But it is all about
(Or a lot about)
Who you know

³I’m talking about the rules
Of the upper class
I saw enough HBO and Comedy Central
Growing up working class immigrant
To ape their customs
Which was just me codeswitching
Without knowing it

Knowing someone at a company
Is way better than submitting a resume
Amongst 100s and 100s of resumes⁴

⁴They have this AI software now
That shifts through resumes
At an ungodly pace
Sweeping for job description keywords
And never looking at the full person
On the page⁵

⁵Put me in the room
And you’ll like me
I’m not an AI⁶
I’m a full person
A thinking and feeling human being
You can’t automate my soul

⁶The irony of AI
Is that the people
Championing it
(At least for writing)⁷
Will eventually lack/already do
The technical skill
To know good writing
From bad writing
⁷And their contempt for writing⁸
Will mean they lack the taste⁹
To truly know
If the AI generated work
They ordered is worth a damn

⁸People who despise writers
A. Hate being dependent on them
B. Resent having their own insecurities
Around writing triggered by people
Who love writing (Writers)

⁹Refining my taste
Adding to it, fine tuning it
Because it’s organic and not dialed in
Using it as a lens for assessing life
And as a sieve for separating
Clunky concepts from my concentrated POV
That is human work and my last refuge

35.2024

#poem #adult #oldspice #comedy #humor #satire #millenial #workingclass #modernlife #ai #culturecritic #writing #writer
#human