Poem 362 for 2023

Poem 362 for 2023

Poem 362

My Glimmers* In Improv After For Sure Doing This For 15 Years

*Glimmers are the little things that bring you joy

1. Hanging out in the green room with your buds before a show happens and just talking about whatever

2. Having my favorite pink t-shirt ready to go for a show

3. Seeing someone you haven’t seen in a while and just giving them a big hug without thinking about it

4. Doing a random late night meal with your friends after a really good show

5. Driving into the mouth of the 101 North as it branches off from the 5 North. It’s this brief two lane tributary that rapids you down into Downtown LA; you for sure feel like you’re in LA proper, and the energy shifts to excitement and anticipation as you sail closer to Hollywood.

6. A really good show for 5 people that you’ll all remember for the rest of your lives

7. Having your sketch hit the way you wanted to hit, a rare moment where vision predicts outcome.

8. All the new friends you make randomly at shows

9. 3 hour conversations at House of Pies

10. Seeing a packed patio at The Lyric Hyperion after Duo It Again and just realizing people are becoming friends

11. I love me some backstage blue lights. They’re tranquil AF

12. Being in an empty theater hours before a show. It feels so sacred to be in that space before the public arrives. It’s as if there’s divine energy flowing through

13. The roar of a hot crowd going crazy for you just saying “Wassup!”

14. People coming up to you randomly and telling you about something you did at a show a while back and how it stayed with them in a positive way

15. The planters outside of Broadwater Plunge. Lots of good conversations there

16. Driving to all my theaters

17. Watching someone perform for a long time, laughing at them, and then telling them why you think they’re brilliant

18. A nice crisp margarita after a banger sketch show

19. The fleeting awareness that all this is temporary, and that I’m very privileged and lucky to be creating, which quickly turns to an odd survivors guilt until I shake it off and proceed as scheduled.

20. The good times I’ll inevitably forget but whose imprint I’ll carry forever

#improv #poem

Poem 335 for 2023

Poem 335 for 2023

Poem 335

Being from the cultural boonies
There weren’t a lot of ways
For me to express myself
Growing up

I mean there was culture
But it was wrapped
In the church
And the immigrant experience
Which amounts to
A very localized nationalism
Where your school, family
Little league team, and what have you
Are the most important things
In the world

The closest thing
We had to theater
Was Mass
Which is like theater
But with severe consequences

Mass was mostly boring
But once I became an altar boy
And I was a terrible altar boy
It got interesting
Because now there were stakes

Honestly, they just needed a big kid
To carry the big golden cross
For The Good Friday Mass
Every Easter Weekend

This thing was as long as a shovel
Weighed as much as
40 aluminum baseball bats
And had the power of God
I’d have to carry it in front of my chest
When we’d do The Stations Of The Cross

The story of how Jesus was crucified
Through 14 agonizing beats
Walking 5 feet at a time
All across the church
Standing front and center
Flanked by two smaller altar boys
And the priest leading everyone
Through the brutal story
Of how Jesus died for our sins

I never dropped it
Steely eyed and composed
All eyes on me
I held that thing for 45 minutes, an hour
I don’t know
It was forever go
And I haven’t been back since
It was probably my first adrenaline rush

But hey it was good!
It was a packed house
Attention from all corners
People had to look at me
It was a sweet deal
I was supporting
The no.1 baby face: Jesus

Maybe having people
Stare at me for an hour
Was good preparation
For being the performer I am now

There’s so many parallels
Between mass and a sketch show
Sketch shows copied
Their structures from Vaudeville
And I wonder if Vaudeville
Just copied the Mass
Or other religious rituals
For their shows

Theater has become my religion
And the cross I carry every day
Is being broke and unappreciated
I want to sell out so bad
Maybe I can die for a weekend
And come back to life three days later
As a huge baby face
And feud with the Devil and Death
That’s where you make the real money

335.2023 #poem #mass #theater #cross #catholic #improv #sketch #soul #immigrant #religion

Poem 321 for 2023

Poem 321 for 2023

Poem 321 

Rejected Improv Team Names 

Room Tone 
Blackout 
Beans & Rice 

The $5000 Club 
I Don’t Have a Personality 
I Have An Identity, But Not A Personality
Your First Team That’s Going To Make it (Not)
The Improvinators
I Work In Tech
Married Well
DINCS (Double Income, No Kids)
Improv Camp Money 

Rich Kids 
Nepo Babies 
I Didn’t Know What to Do After College
This Is How I Meet People 
This Is How I Date 

My Agent Told Me To Do This 
Good Looking But Not Funny 
The Gorgeous & The Boring 
Fat & Hilarious 
The Frumpy, The Awkward, and The Cool 
Who Says Sarcasm Can’t Be A Personality

The Punch Downers 
Gen X Short Term Memory Loss 
Gen Z Backprov 
Bankrupt Millennials
The (Un)Projectors 
Hermit Crabs 

I Miss My Family 
Cheaper Than Therapy 
My Therapist Doesn’t Listen To Me
You Should Go To Therapy
Better Help 

I’m Not Funny Yet, But I Know I Will Be
Game Is Beneath Me
What’s Narrative Improv? 
Short Form Didn’t Prepare Me For This
I’m Loyal To My Theater 
But My Theater Isn’t Loyal To Me 
When Do We Start Doing Sketch
2 More Classes Till I Discover Clown 
The I’m Going To Do Stand Up Eventually 
The I Did Stand Up But I Like This More
Wait A Minute This Isn’t Stand Up 
10 More Years Till I Discover Storytelling
I’m Just Going To Do Tick Tock
Don’t Talk To Me, I Have Higher Status Now  

Just A Small Market Girl
Going To Chicago, New York, Or LA
Just A Chicago Veteran Going To LA
The Improv Is Better In Chicago
Why Can’t LA Be Chicago
They Do Improv In New York?
Just An LA Veteran Not Going To Chicago
Because It’s Too F@#$ing Cold
Improv Pan American Games
iPAG

Demographically Aligned
Beaners
Goya Beaners
White Chocolate
White Chocolate Goya Beaners
The Allies 
The Assimilated 
I Look Brown, But I Promise I’m Not
Coo Clucks Clams 
We’re All From The Midwest 
Who Knew Liking A Football Team 
Could Be An Identity 
Life Begins After 50

Dramaprov 
I’ll Be In My 20’s Forever!
Secretly Think I’m Wasting My Life
I Should’ve Just Married The Girl
From High School I Was In Love with 
This IS Cheaper Than Therapy
The Improv Laser Dragons 

321.2023 #poem #improv #longform #shortform #theater #sketch #skit #stortelling #LA #chicago #nyc #comedy

Poem 290 for 2023

Poem 290 for 2023

Poem 290

Making it work
Staying and doing the work
Doubling down
Pulling up your sleeves
Burning the boats
Commiting
Fighting the resistance
Not giving up on this (and yourself)
Pushing through failure
Navigating awkwardness
Having faith and building faith
Praying while doing the work
Working to make prayers come through
Not walking away
Staying through the hard time
Pushing through doubt
Gaining momentum
Getting small wins
Staying on top of it
Being consistent
Being humble
Gaining confidence
Having breakthroughs
Growing and growing
Feeling like leveled up
Can’t stop now
Repeat from the beginning
To break through again

290.2023 #poem #positive #work

Poem 289 for 2023

Poem 289 for 2023

Poem 289

Why I Have to Be Funny

1. Because people are afraid of me, and this is how I disarm them

2. Because I’m naturally a jovial guy, and being funny is just a natural way to express my inherent joie de vivre

3. Because I’m actually a morose kinda guy, and doing bits is a way to save me from sinking into a quick sand of melancholy

4. Because I’m just a goofy mofo who wants to be silly for no other reason beyond just because

5. Because I’ve been programmed to take everything so seriously (including myself) and if I don’t pull back from treating everything as important (including myself) I’m going to give myself a heart attack from not being able to relax

6. Because I like laughing and doing silly little voices when no one’s around, and when I’m doing the silly little voices the dark, judgemental voices don’t seem to come around

7. Because I’m just tired of being serious. Generation upon generation of being so God damned serious all the time. I swear to God, the sperm and egg I sprung from had serious energy in it.

8. I think my spirit was a clown in a past life; that’s probably it

9. Because everyone growing up was trying to be hard. Hard for what? Life’s hard enough. Why do you have to be hard when life will either beat the hard out of you or make you so hard you can no longer feel. Either way you lose.

10. You know what’s hard, harder, and hardest? Bring soft and vulnerable. Being nice and kind when the world is shitty. Making yourself laugh when there’s no reason to giggle.

11. Do you know how to survive a car accident? Or at least increase your chances of making it out alive? You go limp. You relax yourself and body and let it go through the ordeal.

12. You don’t tense up because contracted muscles will strain harder, tight bones will shatter more violently, and your bravado will be crushed underneath a force greater than yourself.

13. Don’t you know that when you’re your hardest that is when you are broken in the most irrevocable way?

14. Don’t let the world make you hard. Do bits. Be funny. The world will still break you. But your ability to laugh is what will put you back together.

289.2023 #poem #clown #hard #improv #goofy #funny

Poem 283 for 2023

Poem 283 for 2023

Poem 283

I used to have a rule
No eating before shows

I had three hours
To eat before a show
After that
I went into a prolonged fast

I wanted my mind
Fast, sharp, and lucid

I could not have
My instincts
Bogged down by digesting food

I used to pump myself up
On the drive to the theater
Metal, rock, fast music
To get me in show mode

Always a coffee
Always a Red Bull
If you knew me back then
You knew what’s up

Caffeine to this day
Is still vital to all I do

All these rituals
Were in preparation
For the show
The most important thing
On the planet

I did like 1-2 shows a month
3 if I was lucky
I did lots of karaoke back then
To satisfy my need to perform

Never performed drunk either
Still keep that rule to this day
Alcohol takes away fear
But it dulls instincts
So the irony is
Why would I lessen the thing
That helps me conquer stage fright

When I bombed
I was miserable
Just a broken mess for 2-3 days

When I crushed it
I felt powerful and divine
As if I was chosen to do this
Still get that feeling every now and then
And bombing still stings

My whole life
I’ve felt powerless
Ostracized, marginalized
Oppressed, a constant feeling
Of being made to feel less than
From everyone including
My church, school, and family
Little league teams
Always made to feel like a failure
Before I had a chance
To fail at anything

But on the stage
They could not deny my power
On the stage
They were powerless over me
On the stage
My magic was free
From their lies and hate
About who they wanted me to be
And I just was
Who I was supposed to be all along

That’s why I perform so much

283.2023 #poem #improv #sketch #comedy #show #performer #meditation #magic #redemption #purpose #mission #vision #fate #destiny #work #stage #clown

Poem 257 for 2023

Poem 257 for 2023

Poem 257

How To Be A Clown

1. Don’t take yourself too seriously

2. Actually take yourself too seriously

3. Then pull back a little bit and laugh at yourself for how self important you became for a second

4. But like these are the quadrants you gotta live in: brooding internal mess and just silly little goof who laughs at funny voices you make in your car

5. Or maybe that’s just my clown.

6. I’m silly in public and intense in private.

7. It’s not like I asked to be this way. I just am this way.

8. Look, I want to be chill, but I got this existential dread (I think it’s residual Catholic guilt actually) that makes me feel shame for frittering away days I will never get back

9. But then I love doing bits

10. And bits are the work of a clown

11. What are bits?

12. You know like those inside jokes you repeat over and over with your friends that heighten and evolve over time and become whole new things? Well those are bits.

13. Sometimes they don’t have to evolve.

14. You could do the same bit for 29 years if it makes people laugh

15. Ah yes, making people laugh: this is the real work of the clown.

16. You gotta make people laugh. You gotta bring joy to their lives. You gotta use their joy to fuel your own; it’s all reciprocal

17. I guess being a clown is like a vocation, a spiritual calling to give the world joy.

18. But the irony of a clown is that we know joy internally is in short supply, so we have to get it from others

19. I wonder how many clowns are neglected middle children from absent homes and larger toxic extended families? Just me, huh.

20. You just gotta watch out for Pagliacci Syndrome.

Here’s the joke:

This guy goes to a doctor and says, “Doctor, I’ve lost the will to live.” Doctor says, “I have just the thing. Go watch the Great Pagliacci. World’s best clown, that’ll cheer you right up.” And then the guy says, “But doctor, I am the Great Pagliacci.”

Funny joke right!?

21. All that to say my ability to be stupid and dumb is connected to how deep and profound I can be; they’re connected. I don’t get it, but I guess opposites need each other for balance.

22. Come watch my shows! Laters!

257.2023 #clown #improv #sketch

Poem 224 for 2023

Poem 224 for 2023

Poem 224

Goofy + Heart 

They say all clowns
Are sad inside 
And the great ones 
May have ash in their hearts 
From loving too much 
And not being loved enough
In return 

But you gotta risk
Getting your heart broken
Over and over again
Or forfeit your capacity
For love

And the same goes
For doing bits
You have to fight
For finding the humor in shit
Or let life suck
All the joy out of you

Life is hard
And harder as it goes along
And if you don’t make
An active choice
To laugh and love
And find reasons
To do that every day
You’re going to get bitter
Real fast, and you’ll rot
From the inside out
And you’ll just become
Toxic and acidic

And people will hate you
And you’ll hate them
And then life will feel
Like the joke is on you
And f#$k that, man

I live with the sadness
That has always been with me
While finding reasons
To do bits
And this inner dialectic
Of grief + joy
Makes me a clown
And this is how
I serve the world

224.2023

#poem #improv #goofy #heart
#bits #love #humor #life

Poem 198 for 2023

Poem 198 for 2023

Poem 198

A fringe benefit
Of being Salvadoran
Is being able to get
Real angry real fast
And have an argument
With your family
About whatever slight
No matter how real or petty
And then turn it into a bit
To break the tension
And have that bit become
A lifelong long inside joke
And you do this your whole life
Until your family
Has enough material
For a Fringe show
Maybe sublimating anger
Through humor
Is a trauma response
But gosh darn it
Does it work for bits

198.2023 #poem #bits #salvadoran

Poem 186 for 2023

Poem 186 for 2023

Poem 186

Bits are the antioxidants
Of the soul
That’s why we must laugh
To protect the spirit
From rotting within

186.2023

#poem #bits #soul